After Two Days of Golfing, Trump Touts His “Strong Focus” on the Coronavirus

The little boy from Queens was finally set to take the mound. And not just any mound! The mound at Yankee Stadium! Generations of boys like him had only dreamed of being under the bright lights in the House that Ruth Built (an earlier version of)! But this would be his day, not theirs; his moment, not theirs. The media and the fake news always doubted him, but this little boy didn’t have any fear. Little Donnie Trump would show them all! He felt the excitement pulsing past the blockages and buildups in his veins. He was penciled in to throw the ceremonial first pitch on August 15. It would be his first presidential ceremonial pitch. The countdown clock in the West Wing was set to 22 days. It was training time. 

Sadly, today, the clock stopped counting down; stuck on 20 days to go.

“I won’t be able to be in New York to throw out the opening pitch for the Yankees on August 15th,” the little slugger tweeted. “We will make it later in the season!”

Why did the little boy have to delay his dream? It’s possible he’s afraid of the fake fans booing him, but it’s more likely that it has to do with the fact that the little boy, in this case, is a racist old man who is widely loathed in his hometown, and, despite his pleas, he’d probably have to watch the real players kneel during the national anthem in protest of him and his racist policies. Instead of just saying, “I’m a total racist but I don’t want to be called out for it on national television,” he made up an excuse.

Setting aside the racism of the “China virus” stuff, Trump is saying he is so focused on coronavirus and the economy that he can’t make this event. This would be unremarkable were it not for the fact that he sent this tweet from his golf course in New Jersey, where he spent the last day and a half playing golf! 

One of the sensations that I will remember most about this era is a sporadic but arresting worry that I’ve gone mad. I must have gone mad. Because I just don’t understand how his supporters fall for shit like this. How do you read this tweets and think “Good, yes, this is the man I want to be president. Yes, the lazy disinterested liar who is going out of his way to tell me things that I know aren’t true? He’s the one I want to be the most powerful person on Earth”? It makes no sense!

The Yankees are probably going to lose to the Dodgers in October and Trump is probably going to lose to Biden in November, and then, on the seventh day, God will probably rest. 

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