Mitt Romney: A Man for All Reasons

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Via Reddit, here’s an epic comment responding to my post yesterday about Mitt Romney’s endlessly evasive positions on guaranteeing health coverage for people with preexisting conditions. Enjoy:

Vote Romney! He’ll repeal Obamacare, the whole thing, but he’ll keep some parts, like preexisting conditions, but actually he won’t, he’ll keep it but not in the law.

He likes Roe v Wade, but is pro-life, but he won’t pass a law against abortion, but he supports laws against abortion, but not if it’s rape, but only if it’s not secretly not rape. And he’ll nominate pro-life judges, but he won’t ask judges if they’re pro-life before nominating them.

Also he’ll cut taxes on rich people (sorry, “job creators”) and raise taxes by eliminating loopholes, but not loopholes on “job creators,” but also not loopholes on poor people or the middle class, and not loopholes on corporations (who are people (actually let me clarify, they’re not people (except for purposes of campaign contributions))). He’s not going to get into details because if he did his opponents would just use them to attack him.

He’s in favor of a strong dollar, so he’ll stop China from manipulating the currency to maintain a strong dollar, which is causing a big debt, which he’ll make smaller by cutting taxes and cutting spending, except on military, Social Security, Medicaid, and Medicare which he’ll spend more on. He’s against cutting Medicare, because that’s what Obama is doing and he’ll repeal Obama cutting Medicare, but he’ll cut Medicare (sorry, “entitlement reform”), but not Obama’s cutting Medicare different cutting Medicare. And the older generation is running up the deficit at the expense of younger people, which he’ll fix by cutting benefits for younger people (it’s not cutting Medicare, it’s just having Medicare give out less money than before). And he’s in favor of the individual mandate, which is why he’ll repeal it once in office. And he didn’t want to bail out GM, because he secretly did want to bail out GM. But three things he’ll NEVER DO are “apologize for America,” let cancer patients smoke weed, and release his tax returns.

Vote Romney!

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WE'LL BE BLUNT

We need to start raising significantly more in donations from our online community of readers, especially from those who read Mother Jones regularly but have never decided to pitch in because you figured others always will. We also need long-time and new donors, everyone, to keep showing up for us.

In "It's Not a Crisis. This Is the New Normal," we explain, as matter-of-factly as we can, what exactly our finances look like, how brutal it is to sustain quality journalism right now, what makes Mother Jones different than most of the news out there, and why support from readers is the only thing that keeps us going. Despite the challenges, we're optimistic we can increase the share of online readers who decide to donate—starting with hitting an ambitious $300,000 goal in just three weeks to make sure we can finish our fiscal year break-even in the coming months.

Please learn more about how Mother Jones works and our 47-year history of doing nonprofit journalism that you don't elsewhere—and help us do it with a donation if you can. We've already cut expenses and hitting our online goal is critical right now.

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