February 25, 2016

Chart of the Century: Chocolate Consumption Makes You Smarter

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An extremely rigorous and methodologically sound new study reveals some critical new nutritional information:

Table 2 shows the adjusted mean z-scores for each cognitive outcome across increasing categories of chocolate intake….Chocolate intake was significantly and positively associated with the Global Composite, Visual-Spatial Memory and Organization, Working Memory, Scanning and Tracking, the Similarities test (abstract reasoning), and the MMSE (covariate set 1, all p<0.05).

Population-level cognitive ability has long been associated with national success, which suggests that we need to establish two new pillars of American foreign policy. First, we need to invade and take control of the key cacao-producing countries of the world. Second, we need to establish a Strategic Chocolate Reserve. Just in case.

If we truly want to make America great again, we all need to buckle down and eat more chocolate. I’m doing my part, citizen. Are you?

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With only days left until December 31, we've raised about half of our $400,000 goal—but we need a huge surge in reader support to close the remaining gap. Whether you've given before or this is your first time, your contribution right now matters.

Managing an independent, nonprofit newsroom is staggeringly hard. There’s no cushion in our budget—no backup revenue, no corporate safety net. We can’t afford to fall short, and we can’t rely on corporations or deep-pocketed interests to fund the fierce, investigative journalism Mother Jones exists to do. That’s why we need you right now. Please chip in to help close the gap.

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