Can Someone Please Direct Me to the Nearest Black Hole?

Metzel Mikhail/TASS via ZUMA

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I’ve spent the weekend watching a little football, catching up on some Netflix, playing frisbee golf, and not really keeping tabs on the news very much. Apparently, while I was failing to pay attention, I was transported through a warp in the space-time continuum where, it turns out:

We are no longer talking about whether Donald Trump likes Vladimir Putin a little more than you’d expect.

We are no longer talking about whether Trump’s campaign received dirt on Hillary Clinton from Russian sources.

We are no longer talking about whether Trump has obstructed justice during the Mueller probe of Russia.

Instead, we are talking—seriously, mind you—about whether the president of the United States is an asset of Russian intelligence.

Perhaps this is normal here on Earth-457-ℵ? I’m not sure. But I’d like to get back to my own earth, and I’m wondering if anyone can point me to a local nano-black-hole centrifuge or whatever it is you folks use to travel between dimensions. Any help would be much appreciated.

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TIME IS RUNNING OUT!

We have an ambitious $350,000 online fundraising goal this month and it's truly crunch time: About 15 percent of our yearly online giving usually comes in during the final week of the year, and in "No Cute Headlines or Manipulative BS," we explain why we simply can't afford to come up short right now.

The bottom line: Corporations and powerful people with deep pockets will never sustain the type of journalism Mother Jones exists to do. And advertising or profit-driven ownership groups will never make time-intensive, in-depth reporting viable.

That's why donations big and small make up 74 percent of our budget this year. There is no backup to keep us going, no alternate revenue source, no secret benefactor. If readers don’t donate, we won’t be here. It's that simple.

And if you can help us out with a donation right now, all online gifts will be matched thanks to an incredibly generous matching gift pledge.

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