I’m Giving You Permission to Stop Talking About Elon Musk’s Sex Life

The Tesla billionaire is neither attractive nor interesting enough to care about. His shitty plans, however, are.

Britta Pedersen/AP

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A sordid tale of two tech-lords, an alleged affair, and a potentially fractured friendship is making the rounds, forcing us mere mortals to consider the private parts of billionaires. The offending party is Elon Musk, rendering this entire news cycle yet another trap to think about Musk’s little life—and, in this chapter, an even littler part of it: his sex life.

But I’m here to set you free. We don’t have to wonder about the Wall Street Journal’s report that Musk carried out a brief affair with the wife of one of the Google founders. They seem to be having a fun, expensive time together without your concern. Forget that he now claims he hasn’t “had sex in ages” or whether or not he recently had twins.

Billionaire trolls with absurd personalities are basically law in capitalism. But Musk is neither attractive nor interesting enough to explain the recent deluge of coverage over his private life. I’ve seen his chest. I’ve had enough. Here’s a list of stuff it seems like Elon Musk has fucked that does warrant your attention:

But hey, life is a ledger. When it gives you Joni Mitchell’s first full set in over twenty years, it also creates mind-melting traps that force you to wonder about Elon Musk’s sex life. I’m sorry.

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And right now, a longtime friend of Mother Jones has pledged an incredibly generous gift to inspire—and double—giving from online readers. That's huge! Because you can see that our fall fundraising drive is well behind the $325,000 we need to raise. So if you agree that in-depth, fiercely independent journalism matters right now, please support our work and help us raise the money it takes to keep Mother Jones charging hard. Your gift, and all online donations up $94,000 total, will be matched and go twice as far—but only until the November 9 deadline.

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