On the eve of his coronation, King Charles faces an apparent predicament: What ever to do with Prince Andrew, the disgraced brother accused of sexually abusing a teenage girl, who can no longer afford his massive estate? And what about the estranged son intent on publicly speaking out against the family’s alleged cruelty?
Does one, in keeping with efforts to rehabilitate his reputation as something of a cold buffoon, attempt to settle the separate matters with some decency intact? Or is Charles hoping to offer more evidence of the familial brutality Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have warned us about?
Well, according to multiple reports, it appears as though the king is going for the latter. British tabloids are in a frenzy over Charles’ decision to evict his son and daughter-in-law from Frogmore Cottage—the couple’s only residence in the United Kingdom and a gift from the late queen—and install his brother in their place. From there, Andrew will presumably continue to wither away in ignominy, significantly less rich, and stripped of his royal patronages and military titles.
Now, getting kicked out and replaced with the worst member of the band, the queen’s favorite boy who befriended Jeffrey Epstein, is clearly designed to insult Harry. But Andrew is reportedly pissed too. That’s because, as BBC reports, Andrews’ current home is a 31-bedroom mansion while Frogmore Cottage can only boast ten. Them’s the breaks, I guess. But Andrew should cheer up. After all, downsizing is preferable to federal prison, where his former friend, the convicted sex trafficker Ghislane Maxwell, is currently serving a 20-year sentence.
Buckingham Palace has declined to comment on the private matter. But as your resident monarchy-in-shambles correspondent, I’ll fill in the silence to say: It sure seems like Harry and Meghan were right about their mean family! Now read our investigation into Jeffrey Epstein’s little black book.