“Language, A Key Mechanism of Control,” a pamphlet distributed in 1990 by Newt Gingrich’s GOPAC, gave “Good Republicans” a little advice on rhetoric:
| A set of words to use when speaking about other Good Republicans… | …and a second list to use when speaking about, well, everyone else, particularly their political adversaries. |
|
Active(ly) |
Anti-(issue) flag, family, child, jobs Betray Coercion Collapse “Compassion” is not enough. Consequences Corruption Crisis Decay Deeper Destroy Destructive Devour Endanger Failure Greed Hypocrisy Ideological Impose Incompetent Insecure Liberal Lie Limit(s) Pathetic Permissive attitude Radical Self-serving Sensationalists Shallow Sick They/them Threaten Traitors Unionized bureaucracy Urgent Waste |
This type of self-help for self-promoters is popping up everywhere. A Man’s Guide to Advertising for a Woman (Loompanics Unlimited, 1996) provides “examples of acceptable phrases that can be substituted for crass ones that are likely to dissaude responses” (or, in the GOPAC case, votes):
| Instead of | Try |
| Looking for physical relationship | Looking for snuggles or cuddles |
| Let’s get naked | Looking for romance and intimacy |
| Can’t get enough of it | Hopeless Romantic |
| Virile | Athletic, energetic and passionate |
| Seeking oral gratification | Seeking liberated woman |
| Let’s make love like animals | Enjoys camping and outdoors |
| Let’s have a wild weekend | Loves fires and candlelight dinners |
We decided to try our hand at this euphemistic exercise and write some personal ads for Newt Gingrich himself. (Remember, red words are for friendly Republicans. Blue words are for everyone else.) His ad in the “Boys Seeking Girls” section might read:
Passionate pioneer
ISO pristine, principled citizen to join my crusade for moral prosperity. Shallow, self-serving, incompetent liberals with permissive attitudes need not apply. They make me sick.
If Newt was looking for a running mate instead, his “Other Seeking” ad might look like this:
Commonsense Reform Leader
seeks opportunity to build commitment with confident, passionate, pro-flag activist. Must be caring, yet dream of control. Unionized bureaucratic anti-child liberals impose ideological corruption and threaten crisis.
Is it any wonder Colin Powell refused the Republican ticket?
