Bored With Rock and Roll? How About Shock and Roll? Now You Can Taser With a Beat

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Ever feel like shocking people just ain’t what it used to be? Like your self-defense experience is a little bit…boring? TASER International, whose 50,000 voltelectronic control technology” has helped redefine “trigger-happy,” knows what you’re missing: a new leopard-print stun gun, and an mp3-equipped holster to put it in.

Yes, for just a shade more than $450, you can own not just a weapon, but a personal protection experience. So says TASER head Rick Smith. “Personal protection can be both fashionable and functionable,” Smith elaborated in a press release announcing the company’s plans to “unleash” the new weapon and holster. Weapon, you say? Thought TASERs were nonlethal? Well, they are—as long as you don’t suffer from over-exhaustion, a heart condition, a back condition, or “excited delirium,” and avoid the perils of “Sudden In-Custody Death Syndrome,” which according to TASER “results from a complex set of physiological and psychological conditions characterized by irrational behavior, extreme exertion, and potentially fatal changes in blood chemistry.” Symptoms include “extreme agitation” and “sweating profusely.”

The company claims that these conditions, and not the device itself, account for the more than 150 recorded deaths of people who were for the most part perfectly healthy before receiving (often repeated) shocks from the device. But whatever: Seizures are such a buzzkill. Ditch those squares, rock on to your own soundtrack, and don’t forget: shoot early and often. Ain’t no party like a TASER party.

—Casey Miner

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DEMOCRACY DOES NOT EXIST...

without free and fair elections, a vigorous free press, and engaged citizens to reclaim power from those who abuse it.

In this election year unlike any other—against a backdrop of a pandemic, an economic crisis, racial reckoning, and so much daily crazy—Mother Jones' journalism is driven by one simple question: Will America will move closer to, or further from, justice and equity in the years to come?

If you're able to, please join us in this mission with a donation today. Our reporting right now is focused on voting rights and election security, corruption, disinformation, racial and gender equity, and the climate crisis. We can’t do it without the support of readers like you, and we need to give it everything we've got between now and November. Thank you.

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