To Serve You Better, I Will Not Appear, but ‘Appear’ at your Life-Changing Event

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Prince Charles ‘Appears’ at an Energy Summit (NY Times)

Prince Charles gave a keynote lecture at a summit meeting on advanced energy technologies in Abu Dhabi on Monday — not in the flesh, but as a three-dimensional hologram. By not flying there and back, he avoided adding about 20 tons of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere (the carbon cost of flying him and his entourage).

Hello, kids. It’s Mommy! I can’t believe you both graduated valedictorian and saved some stinky, homeless losers from a burning flophouse! I’m so proud of you both, I could just cry. But the programmers’ quote for tears was ridiculous. You still want to go to Harvard, right?

Don’t worry—no, please, don’t try to hug the hologram. I know where your hands have been. I’m ‘here.’ Just not here. I love you, Mommy does. I just love the planet more. Were I not menopausal, I could have more kids—but another planet? Be reasonable. Just think; by not driving those five minute down Main Street from home, my entourage and I (you remember Bob the mailman, right? And that cute contractor over-charging the Smiths next door?) have spared our poor planet 1/20,000th of a ton of carbon di-whateverit’s called. You know, the yucky stuff that makes the Earth cry. You don’t want the Earth to cry do you? You do? OK, buck up, kiddies and stop that wailing. I’ll be home soon, I promise. Just as soon as the local Indian casino cuts me off. Mommy can’t be in two places at once, can she? That’s my guys! You are soooo brave. Give Mommy a kiss. I mean, ‘kiss’. Oops, careful. Who put that marble column there? I’ll call Dr. Paul about that contusion tomorrow. Or next week, I promise. That’s better, the bleeding’s stopped, almost.

Here—have some holographic cupcakes. Such a deal I got on the holographic snack options. And NO!, I do not want to hear another word about Janey’s Mom’s famous whole wheat vegan, fako bacon beet juice and quinoa muffins! What harm could a little lard and a lot of high fructose corn syrup do? Besides, I happen to know little Miss Whole Foods drinks tap water. And she’s having an affair. With your art teacher.

Cheer up and remember: this is for the good of the planet. Mommy will ‘see’ you as soon as my ‘entourage’ and I… finish entourag-ing. Kisses!

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DEMOCRACY DOES NOT EXIST...

without free and fair elections, a vigorous free press, and engaged citizens to reclaim power from those who abuse it.

In this election year unlike any other—against a backdrop of a pandemic, an economic crisis, racial reckoning, and so much daily crazy—Mother Jones' journalism is driven by one simple question: Will America will move closer to, or further from, justice and equity in the years to come?

If you're able to, please join us in this mission with a donation today. Our reporting right now is focused on voting rights and election security, corruption, disinformation, racial and gender equity, and the climate crisis. We can’t do it without the support of readers like you, and we need to give it everything we've got between now and November. Thank you.

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