With all these terrible tributes to Obama, it has seemed unfair that McCain hasn’t had any unintentionally hilarious tunes penned for his campaign. But now that imbalance has been rectified, and it’s almost too good to be true: it’s a song called “Raising McCain” and it’s by John Rich of Big and Rich. Honestly, this is the kind of stuff that makes me glad to be alive. Billboard has this quote from the song’s lyrics:
He stayed strong,
Stayed extra long,
Til they let all the other boys out.
Now we’ve got a real man
With an American plan
We’re going to put him in the big White House.
Refrain: We’re all just raising McCain.
Does “house” rhyme with “out?” And is anybody else getting a weirdly homoerotic vibe? “Extra long,” “real man,” “raising”… no? You don’t want to go there? Okay, but either way, it’s just spectacular. Rich told Billboard that he’ll debut the song tomorrow at “Country First,” a festival in Panama City, Florida, with McCain in attendance. “The entire world is looking for a way to sucker punch us,” said Rich, “I think John McCain is the guy to keep us safe.” But who will protect us from terrible country-rock ballads?