Great Moments in #Senatehate (Cannibalism Edition)

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Yesterday will be remembered, if at all, for two especially traumatic events: The Senate, as per custom, suffered a total meltdown and scrapped its spending bill (the one they’d been working on for the last year). And an Amtrak train en route to Philadelphia was delayed for 10 hours, without power and in freezing temperatures, leading Stephen Tschida of New York’s ABC 7 to live-tweet the worst day of his life. Sample tweet:

“God, I’m this close to crying again. I NEVER cry. Just want out. This might be a life-changer.”

And another“1 man grabbed intercom demanded answers. Another started screaming we have 2 get home. Now total silence.”

But what if the two situations were somehow combined? That is, if a train full of Senators were delayed for hours without power and no end in sight? If you’re thinking, “They’d probably eat at each other, but not before engaging in frustrating demonstrations of comity, decorum, and procedure” well, Mark Twain’s got your back—he envisioned this exact scenario more than a century ago. Enjoy:

“MR. HALLIDAY of Virginia: ‘I move to further amend the report by substituting Mr. Harvey Davis of Oregon for Mr. Messick. It may be urged by gentlemen that the hardships and privations of a frontier life have rendered Mr. Davis tough; but, gentlemen, is this a time to cavil at toughness? Is this a time to be fastidious concerning trifles? Is this a time to dispute about matters of paltry significance? No, gentlemen, bulk is what we desire—substance, weight, bulk—these are the supreme requisites now—not talent, not genius, not education. I insist upon my motion.’

“MR. MORGAN (excitedly): ‘Mr. Chairman—I do most strenuously object to this amendment. The gentleman from Oregon is old, and furthermore is bulky only in bone—not in flesh. I ask the gentleman from Virginia if it is soup we want instead of solid sustenance?

I yield.

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DEMOCRACY DOES NOT EXIST...

without free and fair elections, a vigorous free press, and engaged citizens to reclaim power from those who abuse it.

In this election year unlike any other—against a backdrop of a pandemic, an economic crisis, racial reckoning, and so much daily crazy—Mother Jones' journalism is driven by one simple question: Will America will move closer to, or further from, justice and equity in the years to come?

If you're able to, please join us in this mission with a donation today. Our reporting right now is focused on voting rights and election security, corruption, disinformation, racial and gender equity, and the climate crisis. We can’t do it without the support of readers like you, and we need to give it everything we've got between now and November. Thank you.

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