So, you’re walking down a street and you see a sign or a building or a landmark and it triggers some long forgotten memory from your past and you’re swept up in it and a wistful smile crawls across your face and you look up to the sky and put your hands on your hips and then you look down to the ground, then finally straight ahead, and you chuckle and my God, you were so young and stupid—but wasn’t it good to be young?—but then you stop chuckling because you think about the memory more and you remember it in detail and my God, what were you doing, did you really act like that, did you really say that, my God, did you really look like that, and boom boom boom is the sound of your heart pounding and your anxiety is rising and you recall vividly that you didn’t think you looked ridiculous when you were on this street corner when you were young and now you worry all of a sudden that you actually thought at that time—gasp!—that you were cool and fun and neat and attractive, and people liked you, you thought, but they couldn’t have liked this person you’re remembering because this person you’re remembering, young you, is objectively humiliating, and now you begin doubting everything—is north north?—but especially yourself, that is what you doubt the most, because if you thought you were cool then and you were wrong, maybe you’re wrong about thinking you’re cool now, and maybe it’s all a lie, everything you tell yourself about yourself, maybe you’re not really very cool, maybe you’re not really very happy, maybe you’ll never be very cool, maybe you’ll never be very happy, maybe your hands still sweat, and your lip still quivers, and your hair still looks all a mess, and oh God, dear God, blessed God, it’s true, you think: you’re still the same silly shamefully awkward 25-year-old you never wanted to be in the first place.
Don’t worry. Jon Hamm was a super awkward 25-year-old as well and look at him! You’re probably cool now, too.
UPDATE: Tuesday, September 8, 2015: Jon Hamm is single now. Get your hopes up!