Update, Sunday, January 18, 2015: We have more bad news. Apparently this dude is a plagiarist. Yahoo Tech editor Jason Gilbert wrote this Craigslist post years ago and the guy in Seattle stole it.
On Sunday, a “dog-walker” in Seattle posted a Craigslist ad offering their services to “rich-ass dog owners.” The lengthy—and hilarious!—ad took the internet by storm. One site went so far as to call it the “Great American Craigslist Ad.”
HEY RICH-ASS DOG OWNERS:
Are you at the office 23 hours a day in a coke-fueled effort to squeeze every last penny out of your 20’s and 30’s?
Are you going out of town with your post-divorce trophy-girlfriend to visit your slave ship collection in the Barbados?
Do you work for a corporation that received Tarp money?
I AM YOUR DOG-WALKER
I am the most radical, bitching, mind blowing dog- walking experience in all of Seattle. All dogs are STOKED when I’m around, regardless of breed or sex. Your dog is gonna be on me like Charlie Sheen on a porn star mad of amphetamines; when I’m ascending toward penthouse suite in your private elevator, bitch’s nipples are gonna be ROCK HARD.
Do I have experience walking dogs?
I’M A HUMAN BEING, OF COURSE I HAVE EXPERIENCE WALKING DOGS. THIS ISN’T LINEAR ALGEBRA, FOLKS; ITS DOG-WALKING
The heroic rant continues. Other people found it quite amusing as well and deemed it the latest “great American Craigslist ad.”
Possibly the best craigslist ad ever. I WILL WALK YOUR DOG. http://t.co/wAxEGwCen0
— Jenny Blackburn (@blackburnjenny) January 15, 2015
Greatest Craigslist ad ever? I WILL WALK YOUR DOG http://t.co/T0Jv8SRVaX
— David Faris (@davidmfaris) January 15, 2015
Hire this person immediately! Funniest ad EVER. http://t.co/HlIToIRWx6
— Caitlin Kelly (@CaitlinKellyNYC) January 15, 2015
But when reached for comment, our “dog-walker” revealed the hard-hitting truth.
Ummm… I posted this as a joke. I have surprisingly gotten people that want me to walk their dogs. Ive got more marriage proposals and offers for sex more than anything. I prefer to remain anonymous but i will tell you that I am married with a daughter and contrary to my post(that is a joke) I make a comfortable living and I’m pretty much your average joe family man. The reason I posted it is to show what happens when you go to college and stack up student loans and dont have a plan afterwards. you’ll turn out having to walk dogs with a shitty outlook on society.
The moral of this story is that nothing on the internet is ever true.
Here is a screenshot of the ad for when it gets taken down:
i’m not sure if i’d let this person walk my dog or not http://t.co/nBE9GiDp2a pic.twitter.com/CYQqE03oiM
— Ben Dreyfuss (@bendreyfuss) January 14, 2015