When HBO inevitably makes a miniseries or made-for-TV movie out of the insanely unpredictable 2012 presidential election, here are the really, really, really ridiculously good-looking people who will hopefully star in it.
1. Jon Hamm as Mitt Romney
One of these men won GQ‘s “International Man” award in 2010. One did not. s_bukley/Shutterstock; Gage Skidmore/Flickr
“When life gives you lemons, just say ‘fuck the lemons’ and bail,” is actually an apt metaphor for Ryan’s policy proposals for Medicaid. Featureflash/Shutterstock; love4utah/Flickr
3. Giancarlo Esposito as Barack Obama
In a sick sort of way, Esposito already has played the president. NBC; Elizabeth Cromwell/Wikimedia Commons
4. Steven Seagal as Joe Biden
Joe Biden will not return for Machete Kills. 20th Century Fox; isafmedia/Flickr
5. Regina King as Michelle Obama
Some of King’s most overtly political roles: The Ant Bully and Legally Blonde 2. Regina King; Joyce N. Boghosian/The White House
6. Jayma Mays as Ann Romney
If Elizabeth Banks could play Laura Bush, then… (Also, Amy Poehler as a runner-up.) Kristin Dos Santos/Flickr; fredthompson/Flickr
7. Jonah Hill as Newt Gingrich
Hill has range. He’s played a Japanese samurai before. IowaPolitics.com/Flickr; Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons
8. Sir Ian McKellen as Ron Paul
The ring was indeed gold. LOTR Wiki; Ludwig von Mises Institute
9. Steve Carell as Rick Santorum
He admits it, too. Universal Studios; Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons
10. Jon Voight as Donald Trump
Also, political blood brothers. Poppleganger/YouTube; Gage Skidmore/Flickr
11. Will Ferrell as Rick Perry
Ferrell is also a fraternity brother of another Republican you might have heard of. Warner Bros.; Rick Perry/Facebook
12. James Earl Jones as Herman Cain
Both alto singers, but only one of them has serenaded pizza pies. Gage Skidmore/Flickr; Screenshot: The White House
13. Vin Diesel as Cory Booker
Both men rescue civilians from burning buildings professionally. Andre Portfolio/Flickr; Official website of Newark
14. Gene Simmons as Moammar Qaddafi
“[Obama’s] been a piss-poor president as far as I’m concerned.” — Either of them, probably. (In 2012: The Movie, Qaddafi appears in a crucial, Libya-related 2011 flasback. Why not?) Luke Ford/Wikimedia Commons; James Gordon/Wikimedia Commons
15. Clint Eastwood as Clint Eastwood
He was in a movie with Justin Timberlake in 2012, too, just so you know. Screenshot: Alec McRae/YouTube; Zach D. Roberts/Twitter
Director: Paul Thomas Anderson (to meet the demands of a gigantic cast and epic scope)
Screenwriter: Not Aaron Sorkin (as pennance for this)
More casting and character ideas? Leave ’em in the comments.
